'Last Comic Standing' Recap: From Ten To Five

'Last Comic Standing' Recap: From Ten To Five

We've reached a pretty important episode here, folks. We're going head to head. Tonight, our final ten will compete against each other for the title of Last Comic Standing, as well as some money and the other stuff that Anthony Jeselnik mentions every episode.

Anthony described that this round will include pairing off, and squaring off in a comedy dual. After each matchup, the judges will pick a winner, and only five will be left standing. Oof. Five? That seems slightly different than last season.

The first matchup is Michael Palascak versus Taylor Tomlinson. "I'm so close to being in the final five, I feel so nervous," Michael states. He's up first, so let's see how he does.

Michael vs. Taylor
Michael starts by joking about a football game, but goes quickly into discussing how he was told that "Freebird" was the ideal song to commit suicide to. "That must take forever," he jokes. "You can die from natural causes waiting to kill yourself." He feels bad asking his parents for money -- that is, if they're already asleep. Otherwise, he's cool with it. "Michael, it's one in the morning!" his parents state, after Michael wakes them up to tell them that he ordered a pizza. "Okay, I'll eat it" he responds. 

He closes his set by mentioning how he grew up in a religious household, and it was typically "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph" who got blamed first when his Mom found something broken in the house. "No, we're not even one of the top three suspects!" a young Michael used to tell his brother. "We're not even in the lineup right now!" 

Taylor follows up soon after. "I had a rough week, I got pulled over for drunk driving completely sober, which is one way to tell you're a terrible driver," she quips. "No officer, that was me trying!" 

Taylor doesn't drink or do drugs, even though people tried to push weed on her in college. "It'll open your eyes," her friends say. "Your eyes are half closed!" She's trying to eat healthier, but sees healthy foods as simply "ingredients." "Standards for beauty now for women are so high," Taylor jokes. "Have you been to a Victoria's Secret recently? I feel like a mutant ... I turn into Quasimodo." She does a brief impression, mentioning that she always ends up limping back to Old Navy, where she feels like she belongs. 

What did the judges think? Keenen claims Taylor and Michael were pretty much neck-in-neck and Roseanne agrees. Norm uses a golf analogy to explain the performances, and ends up rambling. They come to the decision fairly quickly. Norm thinks Michael should move on, while Roseanne votes for Taylor. Looks like Keenen is the tiebreaker here. "The difference for me is that Michael's set went as planned," Keenen describes. "I feel like it was just a little more experience that gave him the edge tonight, so I'm going with Michael."

Francisco vs. Ian

The next throw-down will be Francisco Ramos and Iag Bagg. "I thought I'd have to go against the Asian one," Ian jokes. "Sheng," Francisco jokingly corrects.

Francisco discusses Spanish "I used to live with my girlfriend and the hardest thing was sharing the shower, man. I had one giant bottle of shampoo that I bought in 2008. I got it for 79 cents. And you can use it for horses, too." His girlfriend, however, had multiple products. "It was like taking a shower in the middle of Walgreens. I was like, what aisle is this?!" 

Francisco continues with the girlfriend quips. "My girlfriend, she made weird faces when we had sex. The first time she did it, I was like, Oh my god, she's the devil! You have to put a good face on when you have sex." He follows up with a visual, where he's all smiles. "It's a great face! With this face, everyone has fun!" 

Can Ian compete? Let's see. "You guys look nice. Some of the girls are wearing my favorite outfit. I love the high heels and shorts!" Ian compares the look as, "I'm going to the prom, but there could be a barbecue." 

"Some lady in China the other day had a baby with three arms. Oh my god, they're always one step ahead of us," Ian says. "They're making shoes AND toys, as we speak!" This brings up the subject of babies. "Who has had the biggest baby here? Roseanne, how big was your baby?" Roseanne announces "10 pounds!" "Can you laugh at these jokes without peeing a little bit? A little bit of dribble every time you giggle?" Ian quips. 

Then, he mentioned an audience member who once responded that she had a baby over 12 pounds. "The vagina does not snap back," Ian says. "How do I know? It was a windy night! After she left the show, it sounded like a didgeridoo walking down the street."

Roseanne finds both performances to be "funnier than hell," and when Anthony asks for her to elaborate, she states that she's been told that opinions must be held during deliberation. "Production is in my ear right now," Roseanne says. "So F you, Anthony!" (Amazing.)

Keenen thinks that "One guy did his set, but one guy had fun." I think Ian was the latter. I mean, his set was pretty darn fun. They actually gave Norm a commercial break to handle his response, so that he could make his answer less rambly. But that only inspired him to .. well, ramble.

"Francisco, you cannot learn funny," he said. "Ian, you have no talents outside of being funny." "Correct!" Ian states. Ian gets Norm's vote. Keenen also gives the vote to Ian, since he made everyone laugh. "Roseanne, we don't even need you," Anthony says. Regardless, she yells out that she would have chosen Ian as well.

Sheng vs. Dominique

The third head-to-head match is between Sheng Wang ("The Asian", per Ian Bagg) and Dominique.

Sheng is up first. "My parents are immigrants from Taiwan ... I think immigration is crazy! Can you imagine leaving home, friends, and family ... just so your offspring has more opportunities? Then, your kid goes into stand up comedy."  According to Sheng, his parents are somewhat confused about his profession. "They tell their friends I'm kind of like a clown, with words."

"I really appreciate their sacrifices, it's why I live in New York," Sheng says. "I live in Chinatown, since ... that's where they assigned me?" The audience nervously laughs, but Sheng continues on. "It's a tough place to live. Do you know that every time you renew your lease in New York City, the rent goes up? Every time. Most other smaller towns give you a couple years to step up your life. New York is like, 'I'm going to give you one year to get 10% better. I feel like I'm in New York City to make my landlord proud. It's weird! I don't know him, but I want him to see me shine." 

Dominique starts with a joke about unhappiness "I don't believe in being unhappy. That's why I don't believe in paying credit card bills." She then starts discussing her unhappy, and somewhat mean uncle who passed away. "He was so mean, the family didn't put an outfit on him. I went to the casket and said, 'what the hell is going on?' He had tape on his glasses and everything. And he looked like he wanted to say something, but couldn't." The audience loves the bit. 

"My uncle was a big man, too. He was 6'6". They didn't give him a big casket. They gave him a regular sized casket. He wasn't even laying flat."

She finishes by discussing health. "I try to go to the gym, I do. But every time I dress to go to the gym, I get tired. Sometimes I go to the gym and I just point at what I'm going to do next week." 

Both sets were pretty good, and the judges has some difficulty choosing. Keenen picks Sheng based on the landlord jokes. Roseanne picks Dominique cause "she rocked it!" Norm thinks both had very good jokes, and says if it were music, the songwriting was equal, but Dominique was the better singer. Well done, Dominique.

Andy vs. Ryan

Andy Erikson and Ryan Conner are competing next. "I want to win so bad! I'm willing to say unicorns are dumb to win, and I do not believe that," Andy states from backstage.

She's first to hit the stage. "You guys like political jokes? Good! I don't even like politics. I just wish the left wing and right wing would get along. Don't they realize it takes two wings to fly? Who cares if one of those wings is on welfare? And the other wing is made out of one of Jesus' arms, and is holding a gun?" Roseanne is seen giving sullen claps. 

"You guys, I saw a tree-hugger today, hugging a tree! And I was like, 'Get a room! Or I'll build one for you out of one of your friends.'" 

Ryan Conner has the same name as a female porn star. "So if you Google me, the first result is 'You'll be amazed as Ryan Conner takes two guys at once!" Unfortunately, his mother saw this and didn't ask any further questions. "No mother is going to gamble seeing two guys at once, so she assumed it's me, and panicked. I finally found something I'm good at," was Ryan's response back. "This is something I really enjoy doing. I wish you'd get behind me on this."

Eventually, the miscommunication is cleared up. "Oh. That's a little better," Ryan's Mom says, after realizing he's simply a comedian. 

Norm thinks that both of them stumbled -- Ryan stumbled with his one joke, and Andy shouldn't have delved into political jokes, since she's "a cartoon character." Keenen disagrees, but thinks that Ryan's set wasn't totally in line. Roseanne thinks it's tough to choose, but finds them both to be talented. It's time to pick a winner!

Roseanne does with Andy, since she "kept in her same character, and I feel like Ryan took a big left turn." Norm also chooses Andy, which means she's safe. For the record, Keenen would have voted for Andy as well. "I'm lucky!" Andy states. Anthony tries to kick her off the stage, which takes awhile. Like, a full minute. No wonder Ryan's set was probably cut for time.

Clayton vs. Joe

Clayton English and Joe List battle it out next. "I know Joe's got some heat, but I'm going first, so I can set the tone," Clayton states. With that, he goes into his set.

"Cereal? That's my favorite food. When I was a kid, cereal let me know we was broke. I'm going to reach for the one I like, and Mom's like, put that back!" making him reach for the bottom shelf store brands. "It was crushed up into a fine powder. We went home with two kilos of Fruit Toasted-O's."

Clayton laments that he's tired of being poor. "I don't even like listening to rap music anymore, it makes you feel horrible about your situation." He says that the problem with lack of money is trying to pretend you don't know numbers when you talk with the banker. "Uh, yes? There appears to be a problem? Yes, there's a negative sign in front of all my money!"

Joe List is the last to perform tonight, and the topic on his mind? Babies.

"Kids make me nervous. I don't have one, but they make me nervous. If you want to make a kid laugh, all you have to do is guess their age, but guess five years higher than what they are ... they lose their mind. That joke doesn't work with adults at all."

"Sometimes if a baby is crying, it could be as little a thing as a baby has an itch, but doesn't have the capacity to scratch it. So it's just a dumb, itchy baby," Joe says. He mentions that a lot of people immediately assume that a baby is hungry when it's crying. "If I had an itch they couldn't reach and someone put a breast in my mouth, I'd be like 'Well, forget about that itch..'"

Keenen thinks Clayton treats the spot like prime time. But since Joe controlled the room, he "made it tough." Roseanne also thinks that Joe "bloomed tonight." Norm thinks that either of them could win the competition. But which one? It's verdict time!

Norm votes for Joe. Keenen thinks that both will be stars, but votes for Clayton. Uh oh -- it's up to Roseanne! And she looks nervous. "Whose moving on, and whose going to puke?" 

Anthony asks her.

"Clayton," Roseanne responds. 

Well, there we have it. Our top five. 

Next week: The season finale? Uh.. really? Did I hear that right? Didn't they like, focus on the contestants a little bit more last season? I blame Anthony Jeselnik for these changes. JB Smoove never would have let a season end without a Gilbert Gottfried cameo. 

Last Comic Standing airs Wednesdays at 10pm on NBC.

(Image courtesy of NBC)


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