Cynthia is taking a page from The Real Housewives of New York's Ramona Singer and rejuvenating/renewing/rebirthing herself. Let's call it what it really is: girlfriend is going through a divorce, and she's considering getting her boobs done before heading back out into the dating world.
Cynthia Bares Her Boobs
Cynthia, who is almost 50, decides to visit Dr. Curves, who apparently does all the donkey booties running around Hotlanta. Cynthia invites Kandi, Kenya, Porsha and Phaedra along for "support." When Kandi finds out her ex-bestie is expected to attend, it's the perfect segue for her to tell Cynthia and Kenya about her dinner with Phaedra when the two effectively agreed to sever their relationship. Kandi dishes all about Phaedra's alleged boyfriend and plans to tie the knot as soon as hubby Apollo was safely tucked away behind bars. This is music to Kenya's ears since she loves to have any and all dirt on her frenemies. Cynthia says it best: "Kandi is spilling all the tea, and my cup runneth the hell over."
Sheree and Porsha show up sporting identical blonde bombs, and Kenya can't wait to ask if they went to the same wig maker. That is one shady beotch.
Phaedra arrives, and she and Kandi are able to hug and say hello. Any Southern belle knows how to keep it cute and cordial, and Phaedra doesn't disappoint. Kandi just comes across looking constipated.
These may be grown women, but once they get inside the examining room, they get rowdy and dissolve into giggles until the incredibly handsome plastic surgeon, Dr. Jimerson, enters and introduces himself. Cynthia gives the doctor a little test, asking if he can tell who in the group has had breast implants and who hasn't. He calls out Porsha, who has no trouble owning her stuff. But when he singles out Kenya, she denies, denies, denies. According to Kandi, the only real boobs in the entire bunch are hers.
Cynthia has one moment of false modesty before dropping her dress -- and it's titties, titties, titties. Phaedra is the most excited, but even Kandi can't wait to cop a feel, and she gives them a thumbs up.
While good boobs are like tires -- they all need to be replaced eventually -- Cynthia's have a few more miles on them. With plans to purchase a new home, Cynthia decides to hold off on the boob job for now.
Chateau Money Pit
Chateau Sheree is still a work in progress, and she meets with her interior designer, Michel Boyd, to go over some ideas. I do not know where Sheree gets her money, but it's more than a Housewives paycheck bankrolling this mansion and its contents. Even Sheree admits that Michel's champagne tastes are exceeding her beer budget -- by well over a hundred grand.
Sheree is determined to move into the house in five weeks and throw a housewarming party in two months.
"Fathers" and Daughters
Kandi and Momma Joyce go shopping for some diamond earrings for Riley's upcoming 14th birthday, and Kandi can't wait to tell her mother about her run-in with Miss Phaedra. Momma Joyce is glad that Kandi laid it out for Phaedra, proving that her daughter is no pushover and she won't be taking any shit from Phaedra. One thing is certain: if Phaedra doesn't play nice, she will face the wrath of momma.
Kandi is also still struggling on how to bring together Riley with her birth father, Block. While Kandi told her daughter that Block reached out, she didn't mention that it didn't go so well. But Kandi doesn't feel she has the right to keep Riley from her dad, and she wants father and daughter to find a way to figure out how to deal with each other without her having to be involved. Kandi does think Riley's upcoming birthday -- which is one day before Block's -- could be the perfect opportunity to get the two together.
While Peter and Cynthia may be getting divorced. Noelle still very much wants him in her life, and she doesn't need any cajoling from her mom to reach out to him. They meet up for a session of hot yoga. Peter really does have some genuine love for that girl because hot yoga is no joke.
When the class is over, Peter comments on how different Noelle looks, and she points out that he hasn't bothered to see her in months. Noelle makes it clear that she doesn't want Peter finding out about her life via social media; she wants to call and talk to him. Noelle is hurt that Peter shut her out. He tries to explain that he considers Noelle and Cynthia a package deal, and all he was trying to do was give Cynthia some space. Noelle says that she's built a relationship with Peter that she considers separate from Cynthia's, and neither her mother nor Peter bothered to ask how she felt during the whole split.
Noelle tears up, and Peter wraps her up in a hug. The only excuse he can offer for her feelings being overlooked is that sometimes adults can just be selfish. Peter's been a part of Noelle's life for eight years, and even though he's determined to not step on Cynthia's toes, he does promise to visit Noelle any time he comes to town.
Which Came First: the Vagina or the Yoni Egg?
In a "Are you freaking kidding me?" moment, Porsha drags along her pals Shamea and Sheree to try out something called a yoni egg. It's supposed to strengthen the pelvic muscles and aid in fertility -- cause we all know that if it ain't tight, it ain't right.
You insert the thing like a tampon, and when you want to remove it, you expel much in the way that a chicken lays an egg. Whatever happened to Kegel exercises? Now you've got to walk around with an egg up inside your naughty bits to keep the men interested? As an added bonus, the egg stimulates a woman's natural juices. And that concludes this episode's RHOA "WTF?!?!?!" moment.
After the vag talk ends, the gossiping begins. Sheree cannot wait to tell Porsha and Shamea that Phaedra has been dating people before Apollo went to jail. Shamea reveals that when she was married, Phaedra tried to make a play for her husband.
Porsha and Phaedra are pretty tight, so she's put out that Kandi's running her mouth. Porsha feels that because Phaedra and Kandi were once so tight, this rumor will be taken as gospel. Kandi isn't some ho in the street that can be dissed and dismissed. What Kandi has to say carries weight and legitimacy. Porsha feels that Kandi should keep her mouth shut. Porsha gets very upset that all these ugly rumors about Phaedra have been kicked off by Kandi.
Shade for Days
Sheree and Porsha can't wait to run and tell Phaedra about the tales that Kandi has been telling behind her back -- that Phaedra was running around with some man behind Apollo's back who she planned to marry. Phaedra doesn't understand why Kandi is being so malicious.
As if that's not bad enough, Sheree makes sure that Phaedra knows that Shamea also accused Phaedra of being a wannabe husband stealer. But all of this pales in comparison to the bomb that Phaedra drops: Shamea is really close to Todd and Kandi (as in 'having sex with each other' close). What's most interesting is Phaedra never flat-out denies that there was a guy in the picture, and Porsha doesn't discount the Shamea rumor. So where there's smoke, there seems to be some fire.
Porsha decides to confront Kandi, not just about the Phaedra rumors but also about the accusation that Porsha had sex with Kandi's ex, Block. Porsha brings along Sheree for back-up. Kandi doesn't see the big deal about Porsha kicking it with Block being public knowledge, especially since nobody thinks Porsha is a virgin.
After Kandi fails to take the bait or make any apologies or excuses for telling Sheree about Block and Porsha, she's hit with all the Phaedra stuff. Kandi clarifies that she never said Phaedra cheated. All Kandi did was deliver the news that Phaedra was talking to other people (entertaining gentlemen callers) before Apollo went to jail. Kandi also makes it clear that she's no longer best friends with Phaedra, has no loyalty towards Phaedra and that Phaedra has run her mouth about Kandi and her family, even going so far as to discourage people from working with Kandi and Todd. You don't mess with Kandi's man, money or momma.
Kandi tries to explain that Phaedra does a whole lot of shady shit on the down-low. She's tired of Phaedra's goody two-shoes reputation. Kandi also says that Porsha knows damn right well what has really gone on with Phaedra, but Porsha refuses to admit anything. Apparently, Porsha took a picture of Phaedra that made it into a text message to the infamous "Mr. Chocolate" -- the same texts that Apollo found that led to Cynthia and Kenya calling Phaedra out and Phaedra lunging across the table at Kendra.
Kandi exits abruptly, not interested in what Porsha has to say. Porsha reveals to Sheree that she genuinely doesn't believe Phaedra had an affair, and she also continues to deny sleeping with Block. And to top it all off, Porsha makes a snide remark insinuating that Kandi is a lesbian or at least bisexual. This doesn't sit well with Sheree, who thinks Porsha is rolling around in the dirt with Phaedra and Kandi. Just a group of messy, messy ladies.
Is Porsha just playing dumb to protect Phaedra or she simply stupid? Do you think Phaedra was unfaithful? Should Kandi keep her mouth shut? Let us know in the comments section below.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta season 9 airs Sundays at 8/7c on Bravo. Want more news? Like our RHOA Facebook page.
(Image courtesy of Bravo)